Consuming Hate introduction

People say that hate is a corrupt emotion, that we shouldn’t hate others, because it’s bad or wrong. I believe that the emotion is misjudged. 

Hatred is pointless if the reason is not good enough. One shouldn’t truly hate another for something small. 

Hate is like any other emotion, it’s like love, yet the opposite.
Hatred is an intense and blazing sensation, it bubbles up within someone and consumes them. While love causes you to glow and become a better and happier person. 

Love is like a passionate light, while hatred is like a swirling, maddening darkness.  A never-ending, brewing storm.

Hatred is an emotion that’s as fragile as crackling fire or glass. It burns and builds and breaks you. If it’s in the wrong hands, things get out of control. It’s what makes people lose themselves and develop a strong sense of anger and wrath. Then, it becomes a need for revenge. 

Hatred is only acceptable when there is a good enough reason to hate the person. It’s perfectly okay to hate someone who tormented you, bullied you, and made your life miserable. Or in other words; an abuser. 

That reason is what made me hate him every second of the day, it’s what made me despise his existence. 

I loathe him with every ounce of energy in my body. He has put me through hell and has done unbelievable, humiliating things to me. If someone else was in my position, they would surely hate him as well.

True hatred is that bubbling anger and burning within you. It’s something that’s there at all time. It makes you want to do terrible, sickening and vengeful things. It's shaking hands, grinding teeth and crazed eyes.

It’s being terrified of your own emotions; terrified at the amount of anger and seething rage inside of you.

I’ve felt that kind. 

I know the real feeling of hate. The pulsating, overwhelming feeling. The hate I feel for him is like an inferno, just growing and rising rapidly by every second of the day. It’s horrid and aggressive. 

People often wonder what made me hate the guy so much. They wonder what he could have done to me that grew such an overpowering hate within me. That made such a sweet and kind girl like me want to loathe someone so much, that made me do regrettable things. 

We were the opposite, he made the choice to make me an enemy. I have no idea why. One day, I hope to get an answer. But for now, I drive myself crazy with theories. 

Most people would say that if a boy is mean to you, then he likes you. I can certainly say that is not the case. A guy that’s into a girl and acts mean would playfully tease, maybe play a few pranks, insult not too harshly etc. They would do things, sometimes mean things, to get their attention.

He was horrid, rude and cruel. The things he did wasn’t to get my attention, he simply did those things to torment me. 

Though, I’m not exactly sure when or how he grew a disliking towards me. It’s just always been that way. I tried to be nice to him but obviously it wasn’t enough. 

Or maybe I just wasn’t good enough. That part will always be a mystery to me. 

People say that if you’re being bullied or harassed to tell an adult or get help. They think it’s so easy to go up to someone and announce you’re being tormented, and maybe it is that easy.

I can’t though. 

I’m scared of what he’ll do, and believe me I know what he’ll probably do, because I know what he’s capable of. I’m afraid that he’ll blackmail me, that he’ll make it my fault, that he’ll get even angrier. I’m afraid that he’ll lose control and become even worse. These paranoias consume me during the day and night, I overthink everything that could happen if I snitch, so I concluded that maybe it’s best if nobody knows, and that it’s our little secret. I decided that I’m not destined to win, that’s just not how it is. 

He wins. I lose. Always. 

I’d rather take the beating than tell someone about it and possibly cause something worse to happen. I can honestly say that he’s a monster.

Heartless.

Careless.

Guiltless.

He has never shown an ounce of pity towards me. Whenever I gaze into those hypnotizing brown eyes, all I see is dullness. It’s like a dark empty void. 

He’s incapable of loving or caring. He has absolutely no excuse for what he has been doing to me, or how he’s acted throughout the years. I don’t see how other people don’t see through his fake façade. I don’t see how other people don’t see him for the monster he is. 

How can they be so oblivious? Do they not see the pain I endure from him every day? Maybe they do notice though, but they’re just too scared to do anything, or maybe they don’t even care.

I don’t see how he can be so horrible without consequence; he gets away with even the cruelest things. That made me angry. 

One thing I do know is that karma exists. Someday, he will get what’s coming to him. One day, he will feel the same pain and hurt as I did. When that happens; I will finally be at peace. I will finally be content, knowing that for once he didn’t win and that he endured the same feelings that I feel. 

One last thing I can say is that if we ever do cross paths again, and if he does have a sudden change of heart, nothing he does or say will ever make me forgive him. The things that he had done is unforgivable. Therefore, my consuming hate will never fade even after I die, because just like love;

Hate lasts an eternity.